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Friday, 01 February 2008

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Monday, 30 July 2007

A Single Step

If every journey starts with a single step, I guess changing the world starts with one life. One life is changed by one moment, the moment they encounter Jesus. But who brings these individuals to these moments. Chance? Luck? Maybe…. But I think most of it has to do with us. A lot of times I go through my day so focused on getting somewhere and accomplishing something that I miss so many “moments.” It is not that God speaks too softly but rather I listen too inadequately. I wonder how often he has whispered to me, telling me to tell someone about him. More often than not, I pay the cashier, leave a tip, or walk away without saying a word. I think of all the things that I want to do in my life. Big things. Grand things. But isn’t the biggest grandest thing of all, sharing “a cup of cold water in his name?” Why is that not my big and grand goal? Let me not miss any more moments… “Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did (1 John 2:6).” If every journey starts with a single step, I want my steps to go where Jesus’ did.

Saturday, 18 November 2006

Who am I?

A lot of times I romanticize the idea of holiness. I view the process of God refining me as joyful experience (the end result is joyful, the process however is painful). The truth is, when God refines us it..s not like he pops us in an easy bake oven and five minutes later we come out done. Nope, sorry.. not how it works! Being refined is a life long journey. It never ends. God constantly desires that we become more conformed to his image. The hard part about being refined is seeing all the crap in our life float to the surface. Harder still is thinking you had already taken care of something only to find God drawing it to the surface once again. Ultimately, our goal should be to reflect Christ. I think mirrors are cool because the have no choice but to reflect whatever is in front of them. When Christ is in me and my life is shown to the world, I have no choice but to reflect him. Sadly, sometimes it is easier for others to see the Christ in me then for me to see it myself. Shouldn..t we be looking for Christ in us when we look in the mirror? More often I see the things I want to change- taller, skinnier, more beautiful, etc I pray that God would rock my world and give me a new perspective. I want to see myself how he sees me. Imagine how it would be to look at yourself with the same love and acceptance you so freely give your friends. That is freedom. ... I bet it breaks the heart of God for us to look at his creation and view it with disdain. That sucks, it really does. Am I guilty of this, oh yeah

Monday, 16 October 2006

What does it mean to be a woman? We live in a culture where the idea of femininity is constantly under attack. To be called feminine makes me feel weak. To be called a feminist makes me feel abrasive. Where is the in-between? Too often femininity is attached to outward appearance. A woman is attractive. A woman is beautiful. Yet sadly this is too subjective to be helpful. To reach unreal standards of beauty we subject ourselves to the ideals of Hollywood- makeup, clothes, hair, and size. Femininity is also categorized internally. A woman is quiet. A woman is calm. With such generalizations, how is anyone supposed to fit in? Rather, I think it is better ask, â€œWhat does it mean to be Renee?â€ To find this out, I have to know who does God tell me I am. Before God I stand righteous. Before God I am beautiful. Before God I am created for a purpose. To know these truths, allows lies to be brought to light. The only way to battle insecurity is to know truth. Relationships and self -help books will never cure this disease. Scripture is the only medicine. I will never fit into a mold because I am unique. I embrace my quirks. Iâ€™m ok with the fact that I am clumsy, so what if I fall! Iâ€™m ok with the fact that I love reading and learning, so what if Iâ€™m a nerd! Iâ€™m ok with the fact that I laugh a lot, so what if I love life! I hope you catch my drift. I mistakenly attach my femininity to superficially qualities such as makeup, clothes, hair, and size and I think we all struggle with this at times. Rather than hammer out exactly what it means to be a women, I want to know what it means to be created in the image of God. Though men and women are different (by different I mean unique from each other) we both in some way reflect the character of God. In some crazy way my frail womanly body reflects the glory and greatness of my God. Although I will never understand why he chose the earthen vessels of men and women to store his glory, I am grateful.

Friday, 13 October 2006

Will I ever make it home...

Home. How do you feel when you say that word? What images come to mind? Comfort. Warmth. Laughter. maybe.... Pain. Anger. Fear. what do I think of? I def. lead more towards the first grouping. fall, especially the stretch towards the holidays, makes me miss home. i'm now going on my sixth year in sprimo and in many ways, it does feel like home. i have my apt, friends, bank, grocery store, hiding places... yet, Ohio is home as well. i'm the type of person who grew up literally on the same street as my grandparents. basically my family is tight. don't get me wrong, we have our shares of highs and lows. let me tell you though it is hard being away sometimes. its funny because when I first went away to college, i never became homesick. maybe i knew that i still had a lot of growing up to do and home was never really that far away. now it feels like home is a lot farther than my 12 hour drive. i know that most likely i will never live with my family again. not that i could but it is a crazy reality. i hate to think of the stuff that i miss. birthdays, my younger sisters proms, the kids in the youth group, my grandparents. i don't regret where i am at all and i wouldn't change my life for anything but...

this leads me to the point of my blog... yesterday springfield felt like home for the first time since i graduated from CBC. i don't think anything significant happened in my life. i had a good day at school. went to work and it was good. came home to my apartment and my roomie had some friends over and she made chili. keke and i bought some decorations for our apartment. hung up some mirrors and pictures. and i just remember sitting in my apartment laughing with my friends thinking wow this feels like home again. i made a goal for myself this year to make more friends at school. for people that know me, they are probably like "what... Renee you are so freakin' loud? what do you mean you don't talk to people?" well at agts last year i more or less existed by just going to class and bolting right after class. now, especially since i work at the library, i'm forcing myself to interact with people. i don't want to agts to be a place i just grow at academically. i want to grow spiritually, socially, emotionally.... and i just remember sitting in my car after work thinking wow this feels like home again...